Day Three: What I Want
The next day, I continued to sleep through most of the daytime.
However, once again, I received no food.
I decided to save as much as I could of that sweet-smelling thing he had given me. My stomach rumbled in response.
I looked up at a small window high above, through which I could see the stars in the night sky. I wondered if dinnertime had already passed. I couldn't be certain of the exact time, but it felt like it was probably past 10 o'clock at night.
Carefully, I opened the door, making sure the dim corridor was empty.
I headed toward the kitchen, following Lucienne's memories. It was dark, so I had to be cautious not to get lost. It was amusing how the area around my storage room was kept dark, but as I moved further away, the hallway was illuminated by lamps.
When I reached the kitchen, it was already dark, the fires extinguished, and no one in sight.
However, the room two doors down seemed to have people inside, and the delicious scent of soup filled the air. I swallowed the saliva that had accumulated in my mouth. The aroma of vegetables and meat simmering was enticing. But I knew they wouldn't share it with Lucienne, even if I went there. Most likely, I would either be chased out or taken back to my room
So, I decided to act quietly. As I entered the kitchen, I was met with the lingering aroma of the meal that had been prepared earlier. I checked the table, but it seemed there were no leftovers. Even if there were, the servants would probably share it among themselves, and I wouldn't get any.
Eating without permission would be inappropriate and would likely be reported to the queen, resulting in severe consequences. So, I had to resist the temptation.
I approached a bucket-like container where the leftovers were collected. When I opened the lid and peered inside, I saw a mixture of fruit peels, vegetable cores, discarded pieces of meat, salad, and tubers all jumbled together.
Strangely, I didn't feel disgusted. It seemed that Lucienne's senses were more resilient in that regard.
I reached for the leftovers and grabbed something that appeared to be an apple core from the top. It was bitter, but still edible. I took a bite, and it had the taste of other meats and sauce, but Lucienne's palate was apparently not very discerning, so she deemed it edible. I put back only the stem at the end.
Next, I grabbed a piece of meat covered in sauce. I couldn't tell whose leftovers these were, but considering this was the royal palace, it must have been either the queen or one of the concubines, or even leftovers from the princes and princesses. Meat was a rare indulgence. I needed to eat some to sustain Lucienne's body and for a quick recovery from injuries. There was only enough meat for three mouthfuls.
After that, I had some of the remaining salad. Lucienne's stomach was now full.
I washed my dirty hands at a nearby water source, discreetly dried them with a piece of cloth, and closed the lid on the bucket. Silently, I left the kitchen and headed towards the well.
Eating had made me thirsty. I really wished I had a glass, but Lucienne couldn't even get that. So, whenever I got thirsty, I had to make my way to the well.
I arrived at the well and drew some water to drink. I gazed into the bucket below my hands, and there, I saw the moon reflected.
In this world, the moon was blue. That's why its moonlight also had a bluish tint, giving it a somewhat chilly appearance.
"...Let's go back..."
Suddenly, a strong sense of loneliness surged within me. I emptied the water, returned the bucket, and made my way back to the building. Silently, I traversed the corridor without encountering anyone, reaching the storage room.
Gently, I opened the door, stepped inside through the gap, and closed it noiselessly. When I turned around, I was jolted. He was standing there, right beside my bed.
His gray eyes stared at me intently. I felt like a frog gazed upon by a snake, causing a cold sweat to break out.
"Where did you go?"
His tone remained matter-of-fact.
"Uh, well, to the... well..."
Unconsciously, I shifted into more formal speech. His gray eyes bore into me.
"The kitchen?"
"I didn't get any food today..."
"Did you throw away what I gave you?"
His flat voice sent a shiver down my spine. However, I didn't want any misunderstandings.
"No, it's not!"
It was the first time in a while that I had raised my voice.
"T-that's something I'm keeping carefully. I'll eat it when there's no other food. Because it's what you gave me..."
I didn't mind being pushed away. I didn't mind being kicked in the back. But for some reason, when he treated me coldly, it hurt, and I felt sad, with tears welling up.
"It's the first time I got food that wasn't leftovers..."
Lucienne's meals were always made from leftovers. Even the food the maids used to share with me was what remained in the royal palace. The meals were always leftovers, often spoiled, and not meant for Lucienne.
That's why I was so happy. When I saw the remaining food, I realized it had been prepared for me.
It seemed wasteful to eat it all at once.
...But crying would get me scolded. I quickly wiped my eyes with my sleeve.
At the same time, I felt a gentle lift in my body.
"Oh, I see, that's how it is..."
The gray eyes in front of me narrowed. His speech returned to its languid tone, and for some reason, his voice sounded rather pleased.
And then, he embraced me.
"You really treasured what I gave you, huh? But you can go ahead and eat it. I'll get more for you."
He affectionately stroked my cheek.
...Is he in a better mood now?
"Aren't you mad...?"
"No, I'm not mad anymore because I understand the reason."
...So he was mad before?
But I felt relieved that there was no misunderstanding.
As I let out a sigh of relief, tears started to well up.
He watched me closely as I teared up.
Simply looking isn't going to clean it up. While I wiped my tears away using my own sleeve, he kept stroking my cheeks, under my chin, and my neck as though I were a cat.
When I sniffled, he stared at me as if he had found something intriguing.
"Nmm?!" He playfully pinched my nose.
"Ah, you made a funny face."
He let go quickly, but I thought it was a bit harsh for a girl.
Then, he gently lowered me onto the blanket. He bent down, peering into my face.
"I can't give you a lot, but I'll bring more for you, so go ahead and eat that one, alright?"
I nodded in response.
"So, did you get to eat in the kitchen?"
I nodded again.
Perhaps because of my earlier outburst, my throat felt strange.
He tilted his head.
"But, you know, it's the time when the fire has gone out, right?"
He was well aware since I had been sneaking in every day.
"I ate what was left."
"Where did you find it?"
"I found it in the corner of the storage room, in a round one."
His movement came to an abrupt halt.
"...You mean a big round one in dark gray?"
I remembered. It was indeed a dark gray color.
I nodded affirmatively, and he gently poked my cheek.
"Do you know that's trash?"
"I know. Leftovers. But it's better than spoiled food. It doesn't upset my stomach when I eat it."
"......"
He fell silent, and it seemed like he was somewhat stunned.
Well, of course, hearing about someone eating leftovers is quite surprising, especially in the royal palace, considering the royal blood. But for Lucienne, it's normal. Even though she now has the memories of her past life, certain aspects of Lucienne's feelings remain strong.
In her previous life, she might have exclaimed, "That's impossible!" But now, for the sake of survival, she can eat leftovers without any resistance. She might hesitate a bit with spoiled food, but if that's all there is, she'll endure it.
Suddenly, a hand landed on her head.
"No, you mustn't eat garbage."
"But... I'm hungry."
"Well, then why don't I eat what I gave you?"
"But..."
Her head was firmly grasped.
It didn't hurt at all, but the pressure was palpable.
"Understood?"
The atmosphere left no room for dissent.
With a nod, the hand released her head, and she was gently stroked.
"That's right, you're a good child."
As she was being petted, she thought.
Hmmm, is this person really an assassin?
He's so caring, kind to her as a child, and even though he has a scary side when he's in a bad mood, she can't feel any intent to harm her.
Is he actually a pretty nice person?
"Good children get treats!"
Correction, does he think I'm some kind of dog or cat? Well, I can't deny it, given that I'm scavenging and eating leftovers.
I took the offered package, opened it, and found those same square pieces of food inside.
Counting them, I found five in total. Carefully wrapping the package, I tied it securely and got up with it.
I pulled open the bottom drawer of a neglected desk at the back of the room and gently placed the package inside.
He peered over my shoulder.
"Hmm, you're hiding it in a place like this."
"I thought it wouldn't be found here."
"Indeed. This old desk, no one would touch it."
After pushing the drawer back in, I stood up.
Silence returned.
"...Say, big brother."
I didn't know his name, so I tried calling him that.
It seems he don't mind it and replied, "What is it?"
"What's it like outside?"
He thought for a moment and said, "It's not a very kind place, I'd say."
"...I see."
That makes sense, I thought.
The country is likely in dire straits due to a tyrannical king and the extravagant royal family. In the original game, there was a scene where the heroine reminisced about her past, and she wasn't well-off despite being an illegitimate child of a baron. The change in leadership had a positive impact on the country. After the coup d'état, Lucienne was the only one left with the strongest blood ties to the former king. Just being the legitimate child of the former king might invite harsh treatment. Some might even mock her, thinking her difficult childhood was deserved.
For Lucienne, both the inner palace and the outside world are the same. No one is kind to her.
"Aren't you surprised?"
Well, there are only the two of us.
The maid who shared food with me once.
And the person in front of me.
"Because it's the same as here."
He chuckled at my words.
"That might be true. Do you want to go outside?"
I pondered for a moment before answering, "No, it's fine."
"Why?"
"If it's the same, then I prefer it here. There's a place to sleep, there's food, and if I endure the pain, I can survive."
The storage room was a refuge from the rain and wind. If I couldn't get meals, I could scavenge leftovers. If I endured violence and insults, I could survive, and in the game scenario I had already endured the coup.
He sat down silently beside me.
"But, you know, does that really give your life any meaning?"
To such a straightforward question, I replied, "I don't know."
Before I realized it, I was lying on my back with him on top of me, his hand covering my throat.
"So, is it okay if I kill you right here?"
Come to think of it, his primary profession was being an assassin.
The hand on my throat tightened slightly.
...I wasn't scared at all. In fact, when he touched me, a sense of security flowed through me, and my body naturally relaxed. I couldn't help but smile.
"It's okay if it's you, big brother."
He had been kind to me, Lucienne. Even if it were on a whim, he had treated my wounds, given me food and medicine. If it were him, even death would be fine.
The gray eyes in front of me widened slightly, and then he burst into silent laughter, as if he found it incredibly amusing.
＊ ＊ ＊ ＊ ＊
The child blinked in response to his unexpected laughter. This child, small and fragile, bearing scars, and displaying an astonishing lack of caution as she offered her throat to an assassin without a shred of suspicion. And yet, this child was not a fool.
Despite her pitiful and miserable circumstances, the child likely wasn't aware of her own suffering. Her life had revolved solely within the palace, after all.
But for some reason, her words struck a chord deep within him. As he gazed up into those amber eyes peeking through a curtain of long hair, so pure and unblemished, he couldn't help but be surprised by the lack of fear in them. Even though she was within arm's reach, in a position where he could end her life in an instant, the child simply laughed.
It was a relief, much like the expression he had seen on their face the first time he'd smiled at her. A face that seemed to say, "It's okay if you kill me." Over the course of his life, he had heard countless pleas to spare lives, but not one person had ever said, "It's okay if you kill me," except for this child and Lucienne.
As laughter mingled with an obscure sense of joy welled up within him, he pondered the pitiable and sorrowful existence of Lucienne. A child who had never been valued by anyone had entrusted her life to an assassin.
A pitiable, sorrowful, and utterly endearing child.
In his hands, he held the life of this child.
The very notion that a child would entrust her life to someone like him seemed questionable, but he couldn't deny the inexplicable joy he felt about it.
"Cute."
He whispered as he leaned in, still holding her by the neck.
Surprisingly, the child showed no signs of resistance.
"Don't worry, even if you're close to death, I'll kill you before that."
He whispered gently so the child could hear.
"Will I get to see big brother before I die?"
Lefebvre nodded affirmatively.
"That's right."
The child in front of him beamed with happiness.
"Well, then, I'm not scared."
Lefebvre couldn't help but smile at the child's pure joy.
The child's heartbeat, as he felt it through his hand, was calm and steady.
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